Conversations with Christ

A while back as I was reflecting on my past relationships with my little boyfriends, I started to feel sad that they were no longer around; not because I missed them or the relationship, because Lord knows I'm far beyond that, but because I thought I did something wrong. I wondered, gosh was I that bad of a person? I thought, I was a genuine person; there for them when they needed me; giving of my time, heart, money, whatever it was I'd give it just to make them happy even if it meant I was unhappy. After all, my inconvenience would be minor in comparison to the joy felt seeing a smile on their face knowing I was able to help. 

It was during that conversation with God that He showed me that no matter what I did, when it comes to relationships there is nothing under the sun you can do to make the wrong man stay, and nothing you can do to make the right man walk away. Whatever God brings together for a greater purpose WILL come to pass. 

Oftentimes we struggle with believing the man in front of us is the man God has for us. I mean after all, did you pray and earnestly ask God if he is even suppose to be in your life? Is he part of the greater purpose God has for you? While you're switching your hips and poppin your lips in front of some man that you know deep down ain't for you, YOU are slowing driving a wedge deeper and deeper between you and Christ out of disobedience and hindering the manifestation of your purpose that God created you for.

Sure, you might be doing some work in the church or whatever area Christ has called you in, but remember this...God don't bless mess. He does ALL Things in decency and in order. So while you're still doing your "work" and carrying on with "him" you're allowing the enemy to rob you of your joy, eventually your peace and your purpose.

I'll never forget the first time I heard this quote from Paula White in one of her sermons about Breaking UnGodly Soul Ties, "When God goes to bless you, he sends a person in your life! When the enemy goes to mess you up, he sends a person in your life". So be mindful of your relationships, both friendship and romantic. Ask God to remove any hinderances, distractions, or people that would come to hinder your walk with Him and the manifestation of your purpose. Then sit back and watch God move. You might be surprised just how much you allowed yourself to be attached to that was a hindrance. Not everyone that's "for you" is actually "For You!". 

I remember being with my ex boyfriend and as much as I knew deep down something just wasn't right I constantly tried to fit a round peg into a square hole. After years of effort being done in vain I eventually noticed all the peace, confidence and zest for life I had was slowing depleting. Then one day I woke up and he was gone and along with him walking away I realized the peace I once felt and the nearness to Christ I once had was diminished to nothing. The tears of joy and times of worship I had with Him were replaced with anguish and tears of pain asking God, Why? Why did he allow me to continue on for so long? Why did I WILLINGLY and freely hand over my peace and confidence?!

It was then that he reminded me of the times he warned me to let him go. Let him Go! But see, I was too concerned about hurting his feelings and losing the identity that I had with having a boyfriend and the idea of someone claiming they "loved me" more than I cared about being disobedient to the word of God and hindering my walk with him. Along with me fully understanding that without a shadow of doubt God loved me. My father in heaven loved EVERYTHING about me. He loved me for who I was, flaws and all. I wasn't told to dress more like this girl, or wear my hair like those girls, or talk more like this. See he designed me to be different unique in his eye, so how could I be "different" or "unique" if I parading around looking, dressing and sounding like "them"? To be honest, over time it tore down my self confidence, my anxiety level was through the roof, and my self esteem, was, well almost non existent. I'm sure to people that I surrounded myself with didn't know and couldn't see the scares on my heart and the tears that I shed night after night, morning after morning in the shower, while driving or after talking to family over the phone but it was there. I had to put on a brave face and smile in the midst of it all and its in that time that I learned that when God allowed me to reach my bottom (where he wanted me, where he needed me) he was able to build me up to be the strong woman that I am today. I can once again walk with my head high and a smile on my face that's genuine and radiates from within, because in spite of what my outside may look like or the little problems I might have I am truly happy and I've never really been able to say that. 

My prayer for the longest time was for him to bless me with the right relationships with both men and women and a Godly relationship that will be my one day marriage. While I can't report that I'll be getting married today or tomorrow, I can rest in knowing that one day God will bless me with a spouse. And, at the end of the day if it's not his will for me to be married then so be it. At the end of the day it's Him and I, and I know he will fill ALL of my days up with joy, peace, and blessings that I can't even imagine possible. 

So sure while I could blame him and say he robbed me of so many things, in the grand scheme of things I willingly handed them over to him. Why? Because I thought the more I gave to him the more he would choose to stay. I gave him more than I gave Him! Christ, my father in heaven...the one that created me for a purpose other than pleasing a man on this earth that didn't do anything to deserve me. 

So love, it might hurt a bit to see some folks go, but whatever he removes he replaces with something even better. Sweeter than the last.

So please don't waste anymore time entertaining folks. Entertain Christ with a conversation, because he will truly blow your mind if you let him.

Stay hopeful loves

Xoxo
~Nell