Monday, September 15, 2014

Just as you are. My personal struggle.

Gosh, how do I start? First let me start by saying hey there! It's been a while. It's been a LONG month. I've traveled, worked hard, dealt with some personal things, etc. I'll be honest. Part of me was hoping that by now I'd be able to blog about me relocating back home to VA but God didn't see fit to move me just yet so I just continue to have peace and trust the process but it's hard at times I won't lie.

Anyway, enough babble. I felt the need to blog today about something I've struggled with for a while and I will be honest and say that at times it's something I'm still working on. I've learned that getting through this struggle is more of a discipline than anything else.

What I'm talking about is, dealing with the struggle of being hurt by what people say about me. I'm sure you may not have a struggle in this area, that's fine but there is someone out there that does struggle in this area like myself. Now some may call me weak for admitting it but what good is it to go through an internal struggle and work on overcoming it but not share with those that need to know for their own with all do respect if this doesn't pertain to you nor serve of any use to you you're more than welcome to leave my page :)...I don't write for "followers" I write out of my own desire to share with those that care to know the desires and likes I have.

I had to learn the hard way that those that smile in your face don't always mean you any good. And sometimes those that smile in your face speak the worst about you and their words cut deeper than a freshly sharpened ax. But I also had to learn that it's not what THEY say about me but what God says about me. Yes, it's something that is said over and over and over again, but I'm usually one that learns best by experience than just hearing (some may call it hard headed LOL). It seems as if almost every year my circle of friends seem to get smaller and smaller each year. Sometimes they had to exit stage left because they spoke ill of me, other times they did me wrong. And sometimes; and this is sometimes the ones that hurt the most; are those that had to be removed from my life that smiled in my face, laughed it up with me, heard me cry when I've been at my lowest only to find that they did not actually have my best interest at heart. Sure they didn't actually have the courage to physically do me wrong but these were the ones that God gave me a nudge about in my heart and I had to take a step back and look at their "actions" and realize, ah ha, I see they laugh at me and are not actually for me. And these people, the people that speak so bodly behind text messages, or social media posts yet smile in your face, the people that listen to you as you share your deepest regrets and hurts in life, yet turn your remarks into the focus of their groups brunch meets or social hour discussions. THOSE are the ones that hurt the most. But as I sat back with a sad heart I prayed for them, and although I heard this over and over in my life from my elders it didn't actually resonate with me until God spoke it to me in my heart, "it's not who they say you are it's who I say you ARE".

Now I won't play tit for tat and speak ill of those that speak ill of me. I'll just say to you what I say to myself, my dear find it joy that they find you important enough to have a discussion about you when you can care less about them LOL :)...Stop. Think about it. Remember this, what they say about you almost 110% of the time reveals more about them than you any day.

Now, I can't give you a run down on how to overcome it per say because aside from what my friends say I'm not Dr. Phil lol. But what I will say is this: write down to God how you feel, and when you notice things run to him not man because they 9 times out of 10 people won't always give you wisdom on how to get over what someone said about you, it'll usually just turn into a bashing session and that only a short term fix. So speak to God how you feel, tell him the hurts and frustration it gives you. Pray that he shows you their heart and intentions ahead of time so that you can see more clearly the people that aren't for you that try to come into your life. He WILL show you, and you may end up with just a handful of friends, but trust me, a handful of true friends are worth more than 10k follower/friends ANYDAY. Another thing, and this is something that has helped me immensely, get a bible study regarding over coming bondage from what people say about you. I have one I picked up recently (Being Yourself: How do I take off this mask?); after a friend told me; his words not mine lol; OH so you're one that wants everyone to like you huh?! I could have been upset at that and thought he was making fun of me but as we went on to talk it made sense. No matter what I did or how I said things it didn't matter because people will love me or hate me and while I'm sitting back trying to sugar coat things, or phrase this conversation that way people have already made up in their mind whatever it is they choose to believe. So I had to learn to take off the "mask" per say that I wear/wore. Not saying that I'm a fake person because I personally don't think I am, but it's more so meant for me to understand that if I'm going to go the path God is leading me and do what he says to do then that means being rooted and standing/speaking very bodly on certain issues and if I'm too concerned about losing a so called friend, then the course he's leading me on is already defeated or at the very best going to be an uphill battle...not by anything anyone else did but by what I didn't do and that's be who God says I am.

So friends carry on as you are, who you are, and those that choose to bash your name let them. Pray for them, because they're clearly going through more than you know. And find the silver lining in the fact that they clearly have nothing else to talk about and you're just that important to be the topic of discussion.

I hope reading this post helped you as much as writing it has helped me.

**In the future I'm working on having more consistent content to really encompass all components of what my blog stands for, Entertainment, Inspiration, Encouragement. So stay tuned and be patient**

Love you lots!

xoxo ~Nell

1 comment :

  1. Thank you for sharing and for posting. I can relate and have often wornt he same mask. Thank you for your transparency and your honesty!